Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
