Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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