ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm like, not good at living.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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