with your own penis?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
