I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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