I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i have herpe
just one?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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