Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
