Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
