We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
