you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
