It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
