this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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