2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
