this beer tastes like vomit already
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
