Rock
Scissors
Fuck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
