I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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