The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dicks are not precious.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
