I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
