The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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