Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
