some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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