I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
