I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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