Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
