Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I just put wine in my tea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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