All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
