I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
