I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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