Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
