you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
