You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
