How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
