is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
