I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
