She is in my trunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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