before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
