i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
