You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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