Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
