guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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