Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
