Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
