She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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