I need help removing her.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
