on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
