Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
