Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
