He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You can't just leave with hair like that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
