i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
