I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
