first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
