They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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