that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
