I showed him my bush... on skype.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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