Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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