I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
