Pappa wants mamma naked
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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