I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
