either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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