Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize