So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
